[Winning 001] Stop the blame-game: Be a change-agent


The world of the 21st century requires everything to be available in an instant. It is observable that the fastest-moving items in the supermarket or even in wet markets are those that have instant properties.  This instant mentality has also challenged our values and patience as people.

The outcome of this clash in values is the all-too-common blaming. Recall what happened to you this morning: your husband again failed to lift the toilet seat; the maid again broke the sunny side egg; your daughter forgot her pencil case. You arrived at the office earlier than your assistant, and the lines of clients continue to get longer.

Before you knew it, you start to blame everyone who has contributed to this high blood morning.   This scene is fairly common in our 21st century lives.  The fast pace society has sidelined patience and in its stead, we have placed our comfort as the value of the day.

There’s is nothing wrong with having a fast-paced world.  But the thing that makes us blame others is because we have changed our values. But knowing this does not change anything.  The day can start almost the same again.

There are some things we can do to make the start of our day right –one thing at a time.

First, we need to stop the blame game.  Each time we blame, we point to that person we are blaming.  Notice that there is only one single finger pointing to the person, the rest of the finger points back to us.  Blaming does not make the situation right, in fact it only makes things worse.

The seemingly wrongs that happened can be dealt with in not in the situation, but when you have cooled down.  This is the second step: learn how to postpone conflict, and re-learn patience.

The way to postpone is to write everything down.  Have a small notebook (just like my teacher George) and carry it everywhere in your bag or pocket.  It is like filing an incident report. Review it at the end of the day.  Then schedule a day when you can discuss it with the person/s concerned.

When these are done on a regular basis, we have done something incredible.  We have brought back patience in the value system of the 21st Century; we have also rescued our emotions and our health from blaming stress. But more
importantly, we did not have to exert much effort to be the change that we want to see. God bless.

About Alvin P. Ang

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